Varanasi….Benares….Kashi, a name which I am familiar from my
childhood. A city, which I always
associated with old age. A holy place
where people go for salvation….. Kashi is known for its Ganja, its Bang, its
pan, its lassi, its tender meat delicacies, but in this December visit to
Varanasi more than all these the ‘winds of Kashi’ gave me the ever blissful
intoxication that I ever had in my life. It’s been a few days that I am back
from Varanasi but I am still in that hangover. The hangover from those ‘winds
of ecstasy'.
Like the Ganga, the wind herself takes all the dirt and smoke
still remains untouched. Inundates every cell in our body making it to dance to
the beat of that ‘Shivam’.
It is my second visit to Varanasi. By booking a night train
from Gorakhpur my intention was to avoid paying for a hotel and that I can get
more time to explore Gorakhpur city. Both of these intentions didn’t work out.
I wasted half of the day for getting a new SIM card and it was not happening
due to stringent SIM activation procedures. The heated discussion in the
sleeper cabin by the fellow passengers left me with 2 hours of sleep. I woke up
to my alarm kept for 4:40AM while the train was approaching the Varanasi
station.
The December wind has already set the early morning
temperature in single digit. I wrapped myself with the blanket I was using in
the train and walked outside in search of some warmth. A black tea tried its
best to impart some. I was not in any hurry so picked up a cycle rickshaw
agreeing to pay Rs 50 for the 4KMs ride to the Dashashwameth Ghat. The open air
ride in the rickshaw have already administered the loading dose of “Bang”. The
call for prayer from the nearby mosque started as my rickshaw reached the
entrance leading to Vishwanath Temple. The otherwise crowded areas looked
deserted. The flower and pooja item shops were getting opened. I got down a few
steps ahead, paid the rickshaw wala more than he asked for. Walking towards the
temple, I felt as if someone was pulling me. Though it is going to be my first
darshan, the galli leading to the temple felt quite familiar. After securing
the bags and shoes at a nearby shop for a small charge I walked to the temple
taking some Bilva leaves with me.
The pace of my walk soon picked up the tune of the maha
mruthyunjaya mantra. Neither tiredness nor sleep could win over my excitement
to explore the early morning vibe of Kashi Vishwanath Temple. It was sometime
after the mangala arti. There were a few devotees engaged in rituals and jabas.
I don’t remember how many times I walked around that supreme repository of
spiritual truth or how long I sat in meditation. I felt as if I was sitting in
the epicenter of the winds of Kashi. Mind imbibed the warmth of that bliss soon
melted and flowed out as tears. I offered them along with the Bilva leaves to
that third eyed one.
Walking to Dashashwameth Ghat after paying pranams to other
deities nearby, it was already 7AM. At the Ghat a rowing boat was about to
leave to the other side. The seagulls swarmed around us and the numbers kept
increasing with every through of their feed by the fellow passengers. The lone
boats….the sun with its golden rays…..the waters reflecting it....the seagulls
flying across it…..the rising and falling of the oars of the boat…..the
ghats….the ancient structures washed in the morning glory….I kept capturing
those frames of perfection until the boatwala requested me to settle down on
one side. On the other side of the river they were providing facilities to take
a bath in the Ganga. I was not prepared for one as my plan for this visit is to
swim across the Ganga. So I spend some time there sipping a tea from one of
those tea stalls.
Back in the ghats I sat in meditation near the Narad ghat
embracing the Hawa of Kashi. The concentration of my mind slowly started
shifting from the third eye to my stomach centre. Signaling to try the
gastronomic surprises of Varanasi. Kachodi and Sabji from the roadside stall, a
desi guava, aloo tikki , dahi puri, ballapapdi chat I did an extensive pooja of
my belly. I was in fact compensating for the days I was out of India.
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| Fruits & Nuts Lassi |
Walking the narrow streets giving side to the local vendors,
kids, cows and dogs took me to some decades back. I took extra care not to step
on the extra loose cow dung. The sky was cloudy and the chillness in the air
was bearable. Walking through the Ghats after leaving the bags at the hostel
was very satisfying. I didn’t feel like a tourist in this city of Lord Siva, I
was like ‘I already belong to this place’. The streets and the Ghats stood
familiar and my mind was in peace. The city and the Ganga were cleaner than my
expectations. I slept in a hostel for 3 hours before going to meet the fellow followers.
The Neela hostel was charging Rs 350 for a night which includes the breakfast.
I joined a close group of followers of Sir to further
explore the place. It was soon after the Ganga Arti that we took a stroll
through the ghats starting from the Dashashwameth Ghat to the Manikarnika Ghat,
one of the two Ghats where cremations are done. Manikarnika means ear rings and
the story is associated with Lord Siva. As we moved to this area the vibe has
completely changed. The expression of the people reflects the seriousness of
this area. Over here death is insignificant, moksha or salvation is more
pronounced. The stacks of fire woods occupy most of the areas of this Ghat. The
air is saturated with smoke arising from the pyre. The heat from these burning sites
restricted our movement towards them. The smell of burning flesh warmed my
heart and wet my eyes. The relatives and people accompanied the dead body stood
scattered over the Ghats. The small boats were parked at a distance in Ganga.
We climbed the buildings and temples in this area only to see the flames
arising from the cadavers. The heaps of ashes were forming a platform over the
banks. Over here Ganga has acquired grey color due to the mixing of ashes from
the banks. Locals who were just wearing the underwear got busy straining the
mud in the Ganga for any gold or other valuables, some of them were engaged
digging the ash heaps for treasures. We sat sometime on a side bench near the
Manikarnika Kund (a dried up holy pond) fixing our stare at the pyre.
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| Manikarnika Ghat |
Putting an end to the six months wait I am going to be with
my Guru in the spiritual capital of India, seems like a once in a life-time
opportunity. The venue is setup at the Panchkot Ghat, overlooking the Ganga. In
the premises of a Bangali Kali temple. The whole arrangements gave a tight
competition to any north Indian wedding. Straight after a darshan at Vishwanath
temple we reached at the venue by 2PM. Following the Satsang we all moved to
the Ghat for the Ganaga Arti. I have watched the arti couple of times before
but this time I could experience it more closely and in the close proximity of
Sir.
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| The Venue |
Aarti started with the blessings of Sir. Beautifully dressed
priests moving in a well-choreographed and synchronized manner took the center
stage. My center of attention was a few feet beside, sitting in a chair and observing.
Started with blowing a conch-shell and later moved to different paraphernalia
finally to end it with the Yak-tail fan. All the way it was accompanied by chanting
of hymns and prayers with lots of music. The feel was unexplainable; we stood
awestruck with tears in our eyes and prayers in our minds. It took more than 30
minutes and it was like a thundershower which inundated all our senses. We
lighted a small lamp in a flower pot and slowly placed in the river to join the
stream of lamps lighted by others, knowing that I was in a way polluting that
holy river.
The following day started with a long meditation with Sir. When the sun just rose from the Ganga. The chillness of the
early morning breeze carrying the fragrance of flowers and incense kept blowing
on my face. The moments one could palpate one’s “Atman”. A dream was
materializing. Mind got free of material thoughts…..no wonder why I wished to
meditate keeping my eyes open guzzling that energy dissipated. I thoroughly
enjoyed the overwhelming silence which spoke volumes ….the positivity in the
air could be felt. Those days it would have been awesome when education was not
commercialized, one get to learn from the face of the Guru spending the days
with them. I tried my best to shadow him throughout the days I got to spend
with him in Varanasi. Getting a seat in the front row….trying to occupy a spot
in the dining hall, patiently watching him eat, when every bite tasted
heavenly. One surrounded by people with whom they can speak without words. My
vessel was overflowing……
The evenings concluded with the cultural activities,
reminding the Royal Durbars. When Hindustani and flute took us to the court of
Indra on first day while Kabir’s thoughts and writings showered on us as songs
by the artists from Kabir Math on the last. On the second day evening the whole
arrangements were done at the Chhetsing fort when the full moon and Ganga stood
in the backdrop. The fort was beautifully decorated with flowers and lights.
The teachers and students of BHU (Banares Hindu University) themselves became
the Apsaras and Gandharvas. It was a fusion of Bharathnatyam and Kathak. It had
all the ingredients of a song from Sanjay Leela Bansali film. A royal evening
turned to divine nectar for my soul. A standing ovation was the least we could
offer.
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| @Chet Singh Ghat |
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| With Prateush & Rahul |
Now a days I am scared to wish or pray for something. It was
all getting materialized in the ever beautiful way. One such wish was taking
Deeksha in Varanasi. One more reason to keep Kashi close to my heart. “what
could I possibly give as Dakshina?” though he asked for a leaf, a flower and a
rupee coin. I had collected and kept a hibiscus flower and one Bilva-leaf from
the same compound and a coin from Prateush, since he is coming from Kuwait it
turned out to be Dinar. “I will be accepting the pranams on the last day and
you may give the Dakshina then” Sir mentioned this towards the end. As if he
knows that I have secured a Kuwaiti Dinar he added a sentence more. “Please
keep the coin as Indian Rupee, don’t give me Dollar or Euro”, I was smiling
inside. I submitted that day’s dakshina at the temple of Kali, after all the
Guru and the God are one and the same. The poojari might have got perplexed
thinking what to do with the Dinar.
Next day also I came with a Bilva-leaf a hibiscus flower and
a coin, I managed to get a rupee. To my disappointment they announced that only
the register numbers up to 200 and people who are leaving early next day could
do pranams, and mine was in three hundreds neither I was not leaving early.
On the last day of the retreat, by then my love towards all
beings has increased exponentially and towards Sir I don’t have words to
describe. Throughout those days Sir kept mentioning about Lotus, that I felt I
should offer a red Lotus as the Dakshina. From childhood for me Dakshina brings
in the images of Betel leaf and betel nut, but where can I find all these in
Varanasi?
It was soon after the morning meditation. In another 20-25
minutes Sir will be joining for the Satsang. I rushed to the gate where I
stopped an e-rickshaw which was just leaving from the gate. I told him my
requirements and suggested to take me to the premises of Vishwanath temple.
Reaching there would be tough during that peak hours of traffic and crowd. “He”
had a better plan for me. Half way through
the auto driver suggested a place where he could get me lotus and turned
in the direction of Sankat Mochan temple. I managed to get the best in the lot
lotus for Rs 10, Betel leaves and nut for free.
After a quick “Varanasi Darshan” I reached back a few minutes later than
I expected. I ran to the venue only to see Sir walking in front of me at a
tortoise pace. I followed him like the most obedient kid in the class.
The time for pranam’s has arrived; I stood in the line with
so much pride for getting what I desired for. Soon the joy and pride started
melting away replaced with sorrow and grief. I tried my best to avoid eye
contact with anybody for the embarrassment of discovering me crying. It was the
parting tears….the longing to see him next….to be in his presence….be in that
foot. It was my turn to do the pranams. I could barely see him with my clouded
eyes. I submitted those tears at his foot. The tears of love, compassion, and
gratitude those were much higher than any material dakshina I possibly could
offer.
It was an explosion of emotions that I totally missed
looking to his eyes and all I wanted was that one stare from him. Prateush was
discussing sometime later about getting stare from him while getting close to
Sir. My stupid mind got entangled in the stare thing. I didn’t have to wait for
long. The ever wandering mind did taste that stare of ecstasy while the wind
kept blowing at the Assi Ghat. Sir was
leaving after attending a public talk. I followed him till he leaves the steps
leading to Ganga. Though surrounded by people, I noticed his hand gesture as if
he was asking for a pen. I searched in my bag, finding one I offered it to him.
Looking at my eyes he asked “Kyu?” I could have easily told him in “Malayalam”
but I replied in Hindi “Maine socha ke aapne pen manga tha”. He said “dedho”,
he took that pen and walked away from me. Though embarrassing I thanked the
almighty for fulfilling my wish.
From Assi Ghat we took a boat to the Panchganga Ghat. One of
the several journeys I did in Ganga during this Varanasi trip. The sun has gone
beyond the buildings leaving streaks of red in the sky. The centuries old
man-made structures were all lighted up. As it was getting dark the Ganga started
reflecting the mixed up colors that our boat dashed through, making them to
move away in ripples. The fumes and flames from the cremation ground of
Harishchandra Ghat made me stare at it for some time. Dark has fallen over
their souls only to rise up in their next life like the Sun with heightened
vigor, as per their belief. After a 25 minutes voyage in the river our boat
settled down at the Panchganga Ghat to visit the Trilanga Swami Ashram.
If I have enjoyed a better journey in Ganga it was the
journey happened the previous day. After the breakfast it was announced that
the newly initiated followers can remain at the venue while the others can
proceed to the ghat where the boats are waiting. That day’s satsang is
happening in Guleria Ghat. Keeping an end to the suspense they communicated
that we are getting a chance to travel in a boat with Sir while commuting to
the Guleria Ghat.
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| A journey with Guruji |
There were two beautifully decorated boats with flowers and
cloths. The rooftops were spread with white sheets and cushions. Reminding the “baraat”
in north Indian weddings. I stood in the last thinking that I can join on the
return journey while the elderly people could utilize this opportunity. While
everyone was busy checking in which boat Sir will travel, I entered the one
parked in the last. To my surprise I found the special mat kept in the center. I
secured a place close to that mat when Keerthana and Dhaarini sat on my either
sides. Putting an end to our assumptions and wait Guruji entered to the same
boat in which I was sitting. Like the bride-groom get lead to the “pantal”, he
came and occupied the mat wearing a Ray-ban glass and that hallucinating smile.
My mind plunged into the Ganga of soulfulness. I was in a
euphoria when Keerthana started singing one of Guruji’s favorite song “Pibare
Ramarasam” (Drink the essence of the word Rama). My soul kept drinking the
essence of that pure bliss. The ghats, the ganga, the blazing sun, the
incessant wind all had to take a back seat while I sat close to my “Atman”. Will I ever get a chance to enjoy such a
heavenly journey again?
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| Sir @ Manikarnika |
My plan was to stay in Varanasi a few days more so that I could
practice what I learned from Guruji, experiencing the energies and vibes of different
ghats and temples. Indumathi Amma (Amma),
a synonym for love, a senior follower of Sir from Bangalore gave me company
during these extra days. The following day we travelled to Sarnath to get a flavor
of Buddhism and to meditate there for some time.
The chillness in the air is quite palpable and the sun has
come far up from the horizon. The time to take a dip in the Ganga. Amma and me got
ourselves ready for the adventure. Rahul and me helped her to take a bath,
though she slipped in one of the steps and escaped without any injuries. Once
she was done, I got into the water. It was cold but I was determined. I swam
meter after meter covered almost the quarter width of Ganga. “Why not swim
across it” I felt ‘it is the time’ as there were no boats commuting. A long
swim, imbibing the feel of “Maha Mruthyunjaya Mantra”, negotiating that
chillness and currents of water I reached the other side.
Bare bodied,
physically exhausted, shivering by the chilly wind I asked the locals for a
boat ride to the other side. I couldn’t understand the strangeness in their
eyes and the abhorrence in their voice. They literally started shouting at me…”are
you mad to swim in this cold? The boats are on strike, you won’t get boats to go
to the other side”. No wonder the Ganga looked calm and serene. I felt
disheartened but kept anchoring to my calmness. I asked them “then how can I go
back?” They had their answer ready “ How you came? Swim back”. The flow of the
water had taken me a long way down stream. Forget about swimming I don’t even
have the energy to walk moreover I was shivering out of cold. Tying my arms
close to my chest I walked on the banks thinking what to do. Water was still dripping
from my hair and shorts, the only thing I was wearing. Moments the winds of
Kashi played a "Thandav" on my body.
A little far I saw a few locals getting into a small boat. I
ran to them asking for help. They refused with an angry tone. Seeing my
condition a kind hearted soul in that group convinced others and let me get
into the boat. He even pointed to a blanket and asked me to cover myself with
that. It took some time for my heart to get back to normalcy I sat thanking the
omniscient for all the help rendered to me. Since the boats were on strike the
ghats were unusually crowded, especially the Dashashwameth ghat. I made my to
the room through that crowd avoiding their curios stares. In contrary to my
expectation Rahul didn’t get angry at me for the madness I did just now. Guruji
has transformed him to a calm and composed individual.
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| Samosa Chat @BHU |
Later that day we all moved to the Benares Hindu University to
enjoy the calmness and peace of the campus and their Vishwanath temple. After
having Garma-Garam Samosa chat from the campus eateries we moved to meet the
local weavers to experience the Benaresi Silk saree making. My friend Javed has
invited us all to his house. A 40 minutes journey in the e-rickshaw and walking
through the compound of a big mosque we reached our destination. All the houses
in that locality where crying the same “tak-tak” sound. We all got an
opportunity to closely observe and appreciate the Benaresi silk in the making. When
Rahul’s parents got busy buying sarees I got out exploring the locality. I was
experiencing an untold side of Varanasi. It was just before the Magrib prayer
and people wearing white cloths and caps were on their way to mosque. The
fragrance and the colors of the street changed, the prayers from the mosque
were more prominent. Definitely their paths are different but the goal or the
God is all the same. Religion is to save a man, a path to reach God and not to
sacrifice him in the name of religion.
The small galli gave way to a large compound with small and
big mosques located on all corners. There were many dargahs, the whole compound
was lighted up, people were in a festive mood. It was the death anniversary of
a muslim saint and special prayers were happening in that particular dargah. As
I moved in I noticed one Dargha which stood separated from the rest. On a
granite stone it was engraved “Bismillah Khan” in Urdu. I confirmed with the
locals that it is the Maqbara of the great shahnai player. Without wasting any time I quickly walked back
to Javed’s house to bring Amma and Rahul with me as if I have unearthed a
treasure.
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| Maqbara of Ustad Bismillah Khan |
She managed to keep up with my fast steps with the same excitement
and energy of a seven year old though she was in her seventies. She couldn’t conceal
the surprise in her eyes and told “I had thought about Bismillah Khan while
planning this trip and here I’m at his Samadhi”. While Rahul rushed back to his parents and
Amma sat near the Samadhi I utilized the time to explore the energy of the
oldest mosque in that locality. They allowed me to enter the mosque after doing
the ritualistic ablutions. I offered namaz and sat there for some time. All my
movements were being watched as I tried entering the mosque wearing a tilak. On
our way back they offered us some food. Since it was a muslim event my mind
started creating the images of mutton kurma and I thought at least chicken
would be there. I had to satisfy with the hot Naan and Daal curry. It was so
delicious that I wiped insides of that leaf plate and heartily licked my
fingers.
I didn’t have to wait for long to taste some non-veg
delicacies of Varanasi. Next day Javed invited me to his friend’s wedding. I
got ready wearing the best outfits available with me. From the time I entered
the venue till I left that place everyone looked at me as if I am coming from
another planet. It was 7:30PM and the wedding feast was progressing. I was
asked to wait behind a chair so that I can grab that seat once he finishes
eating his. With shyness in my eyes and lot of patience I waited for my turn.
Once we settle down they brought the plates filled with verities of kebabs. For
the locals it was more like a competition. Sitting next to me Javed told me “you
have to finish them fast so that they will serve you the main course”. I took
my own sweet time to go through each dish, the main course and finally the
desert. The guy waiting for my chair might have cursed me for that lol…the
elaborate dinner was topped up with a tea and a Benaresi Pan.
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| @ the Wedding |
I dedicated one day to go out of the city and the Ganga. I started
from the campus of Sampurnanad Sanskrit Vishwavidyalaya with their centuries
old architectural marvels made in the Gothic style. The peace and tranquility of
Kabir Math, a special day and special food at the Parshvanath Jain temple were
some of the main attractions of the day. I spend the evening at the Dalmandi
street experiencing some of the tender meat delicacies. As I went inside one of
the many restaurants I was confused what to order as I felt like trying most of
the dishes in their menu. I occupied a seat in the inner cabin, to my surprise
the people in the adjacent table were conversing in Malayalam. I joined them
not just for the conversation but for their food as well. I was saved from
ordering many dishes as most of them I tasted from their plates. They belonged
to the graduating engineering batch from BHU and they are all in Varanasi for
their convocation. They reconfirmed that the very same restaurant which we were
sitting is the best place to try non-veg in Varanasi.
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| Sampurnanad Sanskrit Vishwavidyalaya |
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| Kabir Math |
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| Parshvanath Jain temple |
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| With BHU students |
In the midst of all these I found long hours to practice the
lessons my Guruji has taught. I did it with at most care and dedication
exploring the energies of various places. The Manikarnika Ghat, Narad Ghat, the
house of Shyam Charan Lahiri, Trilanga Swami Ashram, Sankat Mochan temple all
became venue for keeping my baby steps.
Parting is always tough especially when you start getting
attached to it. The day has arrived to part… I was in the lowest of my spirits…I don’t have
anything particular to do or explore….I resorted to the terrace of the Neela hostel
where I am staying. I woke up from my meditation listening to the shouting of
kids from the adjacent terrace. They were flying kites, it was a windy day
moreover a Sunday. First time I got to see so many kites in the sky of all
colors and shapes. Every terrace in the vicinity was active with kids and
elders engaged in this serious endeavor. I joined them to learn how to fly a
kite. They handed over the Violet kite with yellow eyes to me once it became
stable in that Kashi ke Hawa. They stood left and right and guided me how to
fly. I realized one needs so much of concentration, patience, perseverance and an
understanding of the wind. I decided to practice every day my lessons with a heightened
concentration, patience and perseverance so that I will be equipped to fly not
just in the Kashi ke Hawa but in any wind for that matter.
A walk in the Ghat, some snacks, some sweets, a lassi, a pan then it was time for me to catch my return bus. That’s for sure I will come to this city again, not for its Ganja, not for its Bang, not for its pan or lassi or samosa and definitely not for those tender meat delicacies but for the Hawa.... to immerse myself in that Hawa...in that Kashi ke Hawa....till then Khuda Hafiz…
